Aug 21, 2011

Dogs and Twinkling Stars

It was 1AM, I couldn't sleep and neither could my dog Bam Bam so I grabbed a headlight and we snuck out without awaking my other canine or my husband. We headed down a wooded path in the light of a half moon. We were surrounded by giant pines and the sound of crickets and bull frogs chatting by a pond.

We headed up a small hill and sat on a large rock and looked up at the sky. In the country, you can see all the stars. Whenever I look up at the sky I think of my dogs who passed away almost a year ago. I lost both of them within a month of one another. They were my boys and I loved them very much. While Buddy was older his stroke and passing the next day did not come as a total surprise however my Buster was only 4 and his terminal cancer diagnosis came as a terrible, horrific force that I wrestled with all my might but in the end I lost that battle as did Buster.

Deep in the sky silouettes of warm white clouds float like giant snowflakes and every now and then a star suddenly falls and I want it to swoop me up and bring me to that beautiful place where stars learn to twinkle. I want to go there because I believe that if I could catch a ride with a twinkling star, I could find Buddy and Buster and kiss them one last time. I could see them happy and healthy and eternally young.

Bam Bam and I spent a good hour on that rock in the woods. We hung out with the crickets and the bull frogs and all the other animals that roam the forest at night in search of prey and adventure.

As we headed back down the road a strobe of light danced across the sky. It resembled the colors of a rainbow after a storm and it seemed to call out to me as if the entire sky was only there for my eyes at that very moment. I just stood there watching the colors radiate and flow and then they were gone.

Bam and I slept on the couch under a big cozy duvet. I dreamt that a star came to take me for a ride and stopped off at the twinkle station and just as we were about to head up to the very top of the sky, I saw Buddy and Buster - they were too distant to touch but they both looked at me and smiled - they told me they loved and missed me and they looked happy and well. They were together like brothers just as they had been in life.

I woke up the next morning and they were gone. Then I realized they had been gone for quite some time and of course I knew they were never coming back. So I decided I would have that same dream more often so I could see them as often as possible.

But we can't control or pre-select our dreams. If I could I would dive so deeply into one that I would never have to make my way back to reality.

Sleep well my boys and when I look up at the sky, remember to twinkle.

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