Cheating, Affairs, Naked with the lights on
So my sister says to me the other day (I don't have a sister but go along with it)that I write way too personal stuff on my Blog. My reply to my non existant sister is that people want to read about other people's lives. We are all secretly voyeurs on one level or another.
Speaking of secrets, we all have them but it's the dirty little ones we keep the best because they are the ones with the highest stakes.
Let's say for instance that you are cheating on your partner. Time has gone on and you no longer feel sexy or desirable around them. You like each other and you hang out like brother and sister but you haven't made out or necked or sucked face in a long, long time. Then someone comes along at work or at your local cafe and makes you feel attractive, hot, primal. You toy with the idea of bringing it to the next stage, past the light conversation, flirting and intense, heated gazes and you either act on it or you pretend it is them you are making love to when you are with your partner. The latter of course is the least harmless and we all do it - okay maybe not all of us but most of us and sometimes we are pretending the other person is Brad Pitt or Sandra Bullock or someone famous (for me it's Joe Biden - oh yeah). When it's a real person, an attainable person that it becomes dangerous.
Let's go with going with it - yep - giving in to your desire, your temptation, taking that leap into passion, lust, explosive love making. We're talking being naked in front of someone other than your partner and the lights are on or at least at the start - okay the lights can be off but still, whatever layers, rolls, softening up has taken place on your body - you are putting it right out there and so is the other person. It's daring, it's scary, it's disgusting...oops I mean it's crazy, wild and wondrous.
Then comes the morning after (or dinner after if you choose the "afternoon delight" option)when it all crashes down. The deed is done. You have cheated and you are about to lie - everything you do from that moment on is essentially a lie. Was it worth it? Maybe. It could be the final step you needed to take to end your marriage - after all if your relationship was that good, that solid, would this have ever happened? Maybe.
The problem with starting and having an on-going affair is that it's addictive. You become this love sick animal. You need your fix whenever you can get it but sooner or later one of you calls it quits or takes a breather and the other one walks around in a daze unable to function without those lips, that kiss, that warm hold.
The best move is probably no move at all. Fantasy far outweighs reality and no one has to know what your are dreaming about when you go to bed at night or what you are day dreaming about when you look out your office window (or wall if you don't have a window but I hope you do have a window - it's much healthier in terms of a work environment).
By the way, just because I am writing this post it doesn't mean that I have had an affair or I am thinking of having one. I don't have a sister yet in this post I do have a sister - see my point?
We are all tempted and it's fun to think "What if?" Some of us will inevitably or have already chose to go beyond the fantasy and straight to reality. The problem is you can never go back, only forward and nothing will ever be the same.
Sometimes it's important to allow ourselves to break loose from our every day routines and take some risks, try something new but trying "someone" new is all together a different thing.
Maybe it's best to know where you are and stay there.
I know that is what my sister would say - if I had one.