Sep 3, 2011
You Can't Get There From Here
We all start relationships with the best of intentions. We meet someone and they make us feel good about ourselves. They make us feel whole and alive. These feelings are amazing. They are some of the most incredible we have in our lifetimes. However they don't always stay because sooner or later we show our true colours, we argue over the same thing again and again and we lose the physical attraction we have for one another.
When all of that takes place, you better have a rock hard friendship to hold up that bridge because a bridge is what you are going to need to get from there to somewhere new, next and better.
Think about this - how often do you argue your partner (minimum 5 years together)?
How often have you lied about something because it's easier to lie than to have an argument?
How often have you said something really awful in the heat of a fight that you wish you hadn't said and you know you can't take back because it will still be there looming even if you did take it back?
When you fight - is it over something you have struggled with before?
Is it money or "you don't listen to me" or "you only care about yourself?" or "did you have an affair with that person?" or "you never say you love me anymore" or is it the fully loaded...
"I can't do this anymore"
How do things get so heated? How do we go from loving someone so much to wanting them out of our lives so badly?
Relationships fail, marriages fail, we fail and our lives change forever. Is it harder to stay or leave? Does it hurt more to feel the pain or not feel anything?
What if you woke up tomorrow and instead of being married and having your house and your routine and your Saturday night out for dinner and sex before or after the news - what if you were in a loft by yourself? You had the place set up exactly how you like and you could do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted. That's right - you could eat what you want, when you want. You could turn on the TV loud and watch the channel you want or you could leave it off all weekend and do nothing but listen to jazz and read a book. You could meet an old friend for a coffee - someone you were intimate with at some time in your life and although you chose different paths, there was nothing ugly about your parting - it just happened that way.
What if someone made you feel beautiful and desirable for the first time in years? They didn't criticize you or make a joke that they thought was funny but wasn't funny at all?
How many people do you think stick it out even though they are miserable. They have an affair of take a few extra business trips. They buy things to settle their feeling of being un-settled. They stay together for the kids, for the dog for the real estate.
So is it easier to leave or to stay?
Here's the thing. Whether you leave or stay you will end up in the same place unless you are absolutely willing to change your life as you know it. As much as we may complain and may fantasize about a different life, if we could press a magic button and go there - wherever there is - would we be happier?
Unless you are ready to uproot yourself and possibly kids, dogs, investments whatever makes up your life - and unless you are really willing to leave that partner and "partner" is a tough word to replace (really check out your thesaurus for a better word), you best take the situation you are in and make it better.
Because that loft and that free schedule and open menu - it may be great for a few days but chances are you'll wake up one morning and realize you have made an awful mistake and you haven't really made it all that far.
In order to get anywhere you have to start from where you are - where you truly are and that place starts in your heart and rests in your gut as it shouts out
"You can't get there from here."
Know where you are and stay there.
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