Since passing the 50 yard line - I have been experiencing some deep thoughts about all the stuff I am going to do when I am a Golden Girl.
Here are the top 13 - I couldn't stop at 10 because I am far too excited in anticipation of all that is to come:
13 -JOIN A SENIORS SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING TROUPE EVEN THOUGH THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT MY LIFE THAT IS SYNCHRONIZED AND THE BEST CONTRIBUTION I CAN MAKE IS BUBBLES FROM A FART IN THE POOL (DON'T JUDGE - TRUST ME I WILL NOT BE THE ONLY ONE CRANKING ONE OUT).
12 -ASK ONE OF THE HOT ORDERLIES TO CALL ME BABE (AND GIVE ME A SPONGE BATH).
10-SUPER SIZE MY FRIES (thus my thighs).
9-TALK TO MYSELF WHEN SOMEONE IS TALKING TO ME (IF ANYONE IS ACTUALLY WILLING TO TALK TO ME).
8-BRING ON THE DENTURES - NO SENSE IN HAVING TEETH ANYMORE OR GOING TO THE DENTIST AND I AM GOING TO EAT TONS OF GUMMIES AND CARAMEL POPCORN AND IF ANYTHING GETS STUCK - I AM JUST GOING TO SAVE IT FOR LATER.
7-WEAR SWEAT PANTS EVERY DAY - WE'RE TALKING GREY DRAWSTRING WORN REAL LOW (NOT THAT LOW) AND AN EXPOS SHIRT THAT MAY WILL THEM BACK AND DON'T EVER FORGET THE BASEBALL CAP.
Before I am Golden - I would very much like to reenact that scene from Lost in Translation - the end when Bill Murray tells his driver to stop the car because he sees Scarlett Johansson walking through the market. He runs to her (in my case he would be running to me) and he gives her a great - really great - soft - non invasive - warm kiss. I want that kind of kiss before I turn to gold - Bill Murray wherever you are - I'm already silver - come find me.
6-SING "THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND" TO ALL OF THE FRIENDS I HAVE HAD SINCE GRADE SCHOOL AND HAVE STUCK AROUND AND WILL BE THERE EVEN WHEN MY TEETH FALL OUT, MY FACE IS COVERED IN CHOCOLATE, I'M TAKING WAY TOO MANY SPONGE BATHS, I AM KICKED OFF THE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING TROUPE FOR FARTING IN THE POOL, I AM FAT FROM SUPER SIZING MY FRIES.
5-ASK FOR A SENIORS DISCOUNT EVERYWHERE. THAT INCLUDES YOU STARBUCKS.
4-WHEEL MY GROCERIES HOME IN ONE OF THOSE BAGS ON WHEELS - GET OUT OF MY WAY BECAUSE I AM AN AWFUL GROCERY BAG ON WHEELS DRIVER. APPARENTLY I NEVER SIGNAL.
3-WATCH LOTS OF NETFLIX AND EAT LOTS OF KETTLE CHIPS (ALREADY DOING THIS SO SHOULD BE A PRO BY THE TIME I AM GOLDEN).
2-WITNESS THE RESHAPING, STRETCHING AND FRECKLING OF THE TATTOOS THAT I GOT WHEN I WAS IN MY 20S; NOT BEING WISE ENOUGH TO THINK ABOUT WHAT THEY WOULD LOOK LIKE WHEN I WAS NO LONGER IN MY 20S
1-AND FINALLY (FOR THOSE OF YOU STILL READING THIS) - I WILL SIT BACK, RELAX, REFLECT ON MY LIFE AND ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE ENRICHED IT AND THOSE I LOVE AND MISS AND IF THAT IS THE ONLY THING MY MIND CAN REMEMBER BY THE TIME I AM GOLDEN - THAT WOULD BE TRULY GOLDEN.
What are you going to do when you are Golden?