IF PAD THAI FALLS ONTO YOUR SHIRT - DOES ANYBODY HEAR IT?



I’m lounging.

It’s 7pm on a Friday night. The work week is done. I reward myself with Pad Thai (uh huh...from the box).

I’m in my regular dining spot; my Lazyboy (digestion position - midway back). I’m watching TV while my dog watches me (he is familiar with my mediocre chopstick skills).

I’m thinking, “This Pad Thai is delicious. What a great start to yet another exciting weekend” and then it happens:

 The following is in slow motion…

noodles covered in tiny pieces of peanuts on way to mouth – leap off the chopsticks onto shirt

Everything stops – my entire world – as I fathom what to do next.

I could set my hand into “pickle claw” position and “pick” it from my shirt. I could remove the shirt altogether and change into another.

Aaaaa....too much work - so I leave it on my shirt.

I’m streaming “This is Us” so I know I am going to start crying at any moment and if I put it on pause then I’ll have to start crying all over again.

Then it occurs to me “This Pad Thai is making me thirsty.”

So I make my way to the kitchen to get an ice-cold beer. Of course once I get to the kitchen, I forget what I am doing there and my mind begins to wander (frequent occurrence)..."should I take the food off my shirt while I am near the sink or should I grab a beer and head back to "This is Us?"

Yeah, I do the sensible thing and I return to "This is Us" (while ever so carefully balancing the giant peanut crumb on my shirt). 

I settle into "this sure is going to be an exciting weekend" position and everyone on “This is Us” is crying. The father keeps changing age and eras - I don't know what is going on and I was only gone for 3 minutes.

                                             
Now I'm multi-tasking - crying, eating, drinking, carrying the crumb; when my mouth and the beer bottle miss their connection and the beer spills onto my lap.

Here are my options (are you still reading this?):

A – lean down low enough and just lick it off my sweatpants (yeah you’ve done it too).

B – get up and go to the sink and wash it off

C – aaaa…. Just leave it there

I go with C and continue my ritual.

“This is Us” is over and I’m ready to stream “Ray Donovan.” Now I think to myself – would any of the Donovans get up to wipe beer off their sweat pants?

Absolutely not - so I decide for the next hour I am going to actually be a Donovan.

Yeah, I’m covered in beer and peanuts and I’m chowing down and Ray is drinking and so is his father and all of his brothers and absolutely everyone on the show.

The excitement is building and it’s just a matter of seconds before Ray  is either sexing it up or punching someone in the face(or both).

I’m getting into it. Ray has taken off his shirt (the Lazyboy goes into “deep dining position”) and then whatever is left of the Pad Thai falls onto my shirt!!

I AM ALL “PAD THAIED OUT!” (I MADE THAT EXPRESSION UP – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED).

And just then, a deep thought (rare) enters the inner chambers of my clearly, disturbed mind...

“If Pad Thai falls onto your shirt – does anybody hear it?”

To which my dog replies:



"I DO AND IF YOU SWITCH TO ANIMAL PLANET, I WON'T TELL ANYONE YOU WERE LICKING YOUR CLOTHES."

More deep thoughts from Life is Your Story  

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